Why Wait
Give me a goal I want badly enough and I will spend every necessary spare minute getting to that goal. When we were trying to figure out how to adopt I was making phone calls and emails like crazy. I set up meetings. Even a phone interview with an agency in California. (My husband probably wished that his “yes” to adoption would also have increased my fanaticism for dish washing.) Of all types of adoption, we finally chose to do foster-adoption of whatever child might need us here in our own state. As soon as we knew what was required to be licensed, we immediately signed up for hours of classes- I was reading all the required reading like my life depended on it, and I woke up pretty darn early to get my fingerprints done. My husband and I cumulatively answered what amounted to over 60 pages of very personal questions, and spent hours with a social worker. Let’s do this!
But after the six months of mostly active prep it took to get licensed, we have spent another 6 months waiting indefinitely to be placed with a child. And there is no guarantee when we will be placed. Waiting should be the easy part- all the running around to get licensed- or actually taking IN a kid- THAT is the hard part. So why do I hate to wait? Waiting means dealing with uncertainty and ambiguity. It feels passive. Waiting implies that I’ve done all the parts that I was supposed to do and now it isn’t up to me. As if it ever really was? Bottom line- waiting doesn’t feel productive and it makes me feel out of control of my own life.
I also believe that the stillness implied in waiting is necessary to leave room for God to be God- for me to rely on His ability in acknowledging my lack. I see that I was never able to accomplish or provide what I want for myself on my own. If I can take five concrete, check-them-off-the-list- steps to get where I want to go, then I am self made. But this only works for things that I can remotely control. Which is very little. So when I am in a place of uncertainty I am forced into a position of humility before God. I acknowledge that I can barely see two feet in front of me– nothing close to the panorama God sees. And when I can’t ACT any longer- when there is nothing more I can DO to accomplish what I want, I give God room to do what only He can- and He gets all the glory, as He should. (Plus God is really keen on using things that “can’t”- or “aren’t” or are “weak” “foolish” and “despised”. Kind of gives my “strengths” a reality check.)
1 Corinthians 1:27-31
Finally, I think that waiting forces me to re-evaluate what it is that I ultimately want. I’m always going to want something. I wanted to have a boyfriend, a college degree, then a husband and a family, a house, more kids, etc. When I’m always trying to get to the “next thing” I tend to forget the “main thing”- that God himself became Emanuel and His presence is with me- right HERE for the daily experiencing. Sadly, I tend to treat the “main thing” as the means to my lesser ends, good though they are. I tend to go to God to receive the next thing, or wisdom, or help or a plan. But simply KNOWING HIM and being known and loved by Him- if that was all that I ever had and I died tomorrow- wouldn’t the be enough?
This thought (truth) …waiting on God to do what only God can do — is a thought and prayer we've had down here as we wait and wait on a building to open up in the neighborhood for church and ministry, etc. It seems to be such a complicated mess with building codes and all that good stuff. Only God ! We wait too … for God's plan to be revealed. Great to hear your heart in all of this. Thanks for the encouragement ! Love you !