Awkward Santa Moment & Our Social Worker Visit (Foster/Adoption Post #4)

Good Monday morning everyone! I have limited time to write to you, as I’ll soon have to pick my boys up from school for a physical, where I need to have them fill out extra adoption paperwork for each of my kids. We also need to get forms filled out by each of our kids’ teachers, essentially stating that they believe our family would be a good fit for foster/adoption based on their interaction with our child.

That’s right. The tables have turned, and my kids’ teachers are grading ME.

Of course, I’m not worried about how my daughter’s teacher will fill out that form. I imagine she’ll say something like, “She’s an absolute angel with the compassion and morals of Mother Theresa. The parents who raised her must be some kind of saintly, wonderful, brilliant, perfect people. I doubt if I’ve seen better parenting skills in my 20 years as a teacher. A++ to the Burrs!!”

I like to think we’d get at least a passing grade from my middle child’s teacher as well, since he seems to save his most difficult behavior for me and my husband. 😉

But then I think about my youngest, and silly things like how he always wants to wear the same outfit EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (We actually have two of his favorite shirt and pants so at least he can rotate.) And even if we wash the clothes and bathe him, he often emits a slight odor that makes you think, “Has the wee boy soiled himself?” To make matters worse, he has recently reverted to saying “sh” for the “s” sound. Which is fine when he says “sing” or “school” but less acceptable when he mispronounces “sit.”

So here I wonder if the teacher will see his innocent fashion choices and inability to figure out how to wipe himself as a sign that he only HAS one pair of clothes and that his parents are incapable of imparting basic hygiene to their son.

So my over-active imagination thinks that his teacher might write a note such as: “Family needs improvement; maybe someone needs to give them directions to the bathtub in their home. A more diverse wardrobe recommended. Also, child also says “sh*t” with alarming frequency. I refuse to sign any form for their license.“

Sigh. This is the world of an overthinker.

But on the positive side, we finally had our first meeting with our social worker in our home. I admit I cleaned the house so much that day in preparation that when my husband returned home he said, “I know you didn’t do it for me, but thank you for cleaning the house.” (Apparently I’ve set the standard a bit low in that department.)

This was the first part of our in-house home-study, so our worker “popped over” for an hour and a half to review our home and make sure we had complied with the items they wanted us to fix. She was satisfied with our updates, and gave us a couple more minor things to update, such as putting a lock on our attic space, and adding more carpet to our basement. (Most of the things she wanted us to work on before we are licensed had to do with our desire to take a young child in.)

She also sat with us and discussed our current application, gave us some tools and resources, and asked us a few clarifying questions. Honestly, despite all my fears going into that meeting, the conversation really put me at ease, and I felt that by the end we were all on the same page in moving forward.

However, I did panic slightly over one question: on one of the forms that asked about our family traditions, my husband had listed that we don’t do Santa with our kids at Christmas. My social worker brought this up, turner her head slightly and inquired, “What religion are you?”

I thought, “Who knew that Santa would prove to be our fostering demise? Dear God, is this the end? We can be Santa people, I promise! Ho-Ho-Ho!!”

I did blurt out that most of our Christian friends DO celebrate Santa and that we’re a little weird but we do celebrate Halloween if that counts for anything. (Cue the defensive rambling.)

It turned out she wasn’t worried about the tradition itself, but she wanted us to know that if we foster a child who is old enough, we need to find a way to not ruin the birth parent’s wishes for their holiday traditions. So if they celebrate Santa, could we do that for them so we don’t create friction between us and the birth family?

Ah. So you’re not worried that we’re in a cult? Yes…we can celebrate Santa for a child in our care. 😉 We aren’t Santa haters, truly. Although I can’t promise that my 6 year old won’t say “Shanta”.

I digress.

So now we have to finish 6 more foster classes, and our social worker will come out at least once more to check on our progress and finalize paperwork. But the good news is, she doesn’t have concerns about us at the moment, and thinks we can probably be licensed by this summer!!

Thanks again for all your prayers and for keeping up with us on our journey! As we go through this season, please let me know if you have any specific questions about the process; I’d love to be able to address them in real time while the thoughts are fresh. 🙂