The Flu, Faith & Fear: Adoption Journey Prayer Request/Post #3

My husband and I are in the process of becoming licensed to foster/adopt through DCF a second time. I promised at the beginning of my journey that I’d give you updates in real time, so you can be part of this process with me. This post is proof that sometimes we just get discouraged on the way and need others to walk with us. Thank you so much for reading and being part of my support system.

We are a full month into foster classes and I admit there is a heaviness in this season. During each class we read mini-stories or watch videos of actual children who have come into DCF care. The reasons are painful; the cycle of abuse and neglect is painful; the perspective of birth parents is painful.

On this journey, the only path leads through pain.

But my reaction to all the mess and hurt is equally problematic: I believe that I must be PERFECT and SUFFICIENT to balance the broken, as though I were personally the solution. I feel I must be the perfect parent, the perfect student in class. I want to prove that I can clean more, compel the few organizational cells in my body to multiply, and anticipate what DCF may ask us to change in our home so I can fix it before they even ask.

But this is a piece of my own brokenness, and I’m running again and again into the reality that I simply don’t have the righteousness or power to heal or restore or be whole on my own.

And I’m not in control.

If I had any doubts, the kicker for me this past week was that my youngest son came down with the flu, and we had to miss foster classes last night. This might seem insignificant, but our location has a strict attendance policy: You can only miss one class of the 12 week session. If we miss a second class, we may have to start classes over next session, which would be a little devastating to me.

I knew we needed to stay home with my sick son, but in my heart I’m running into the fearful what ifs: What if someone else gets sick and we can’t go to class next week? What if I’ve been doing everything right and it doesn’t even matter? What if I thought we were supposed to adopt and this is proof that I heard God all wrong and I’m on the wrong path??

And I see, again, that I’m trusting in my own strength. I’m believing in the power of Carrye instead of the power of God. I’m acting as though God expects ME to fulfill His promises…when all God asks is that I surrender and believe.

But I’m finding myself wrestling a bit with doubt, and the discouragement that comes with sick littles and less sleep.

So I’m asking for your prayer this week, because I know there’s power in our prayers. I’m praying that we don’t have to miss another class, and that God would produce exactly what He has promised, because HE is faithful. And I’m asking that in the pain and in the process, I would trust that even if God allows a detour to my perfect human plan, that I would remember to look for His providence in the delay.

Thank you so much! What can I be praying over for YOU this week?