10 Things I Like About You: A Challenge to Encourage Your Kids & Others

Thank God no one is grading me on this parenting thing, because I’ll be the first to admit that most days I wonder if I’m even eking out a C- .

This week alone I drove one kid to school with his “100 days” class project, only to discover that we left his backpack at home. Another of my kids literally ran out of pants to wear because I neglected his laundry. And when trying to sort out a social issue with my daughter on the school bus, I felt like I completely dropped the ball in advocating for her. (Why is it that we can think of 20 perfect things to say only AFTER the opportunity has passed?)

Then there are my ongoing weaknesses: One area I struggle with is that I’m constantly pointing out the things my kids need to WORK ON instead of affirming them: “You’re always leaving your light on! Turn it off!!” “Share the toy with your brother!” “How many times to I have to explain that if you pee on the toilet seat, you wipe it up. It isn’t self-cleaning!” “Who wrote on the _______ (Van, wall, floor, my planner)??” “Why do I have to remind you to buckle everytime we get in the car? Seat belt laws have not changed in the 3 hours since we last drove somewhere.”

We have to teach our kids. It’s kind of part of the job description. But I’m also trying to find ways to balance those reminder moments with acknowledgement of the good we see. How can we be intentional about praising our kids for what they do well and the unique ways God designed them?

During bedtime recently, a spontaneous thought came into my head which prompted me to ask my daughter daughter, “Do you want to know 10 things I love about you?”

She smiled in anticipation, and I proceeded to list things about her personality, her gifts, her strengths and more that I admired about her. I’ll be honest, at one point I wondered why my big mouth had to make TEN the magic number. Some of the 10 things may have overlapped somewhat. But it ended up being a fun challenge for me, and I got a little more creative the farther down the list I went.

She enjoyed it so much, I thought I’d try it with my boys. Granted, my 4 year old tried to edit a couple things on my list, but he appreciated the affirmation as well.

When I tried with my 8 year old, I briefly thought my experiment had failed. Initially he was in a bad mood and didn’t seem interested in my list of ten. He seemed more interested in getting me out of his room than listening.

But I acted like it was no big deal if he didn’t want to hear, and within a few seconds his curiosity took over his stubbornness.

In the end, all of my kids ate my list of ten up. Which makes sense, because we all tend to react positively to affirmation, and frankly we don’t always dole it out generously.

So I challenge you to make a “What I Like About You” List, whether it’s for your kid, your spouse, your co-worker, or someone else that you see regularly. Ten isn’t a magic number, but I recommend choosing a number that stretches you. The following list might help you brainstorm:

• Gifts/abilities they possess
• Something they do/ have done well
• Something unique you’ve noticed about their personality
• Qualities that you admire in them (love, patience, kindness, compassion, selflessness, etc.)
• A specific positive story or incident you admire/remember about them
• Something that you’ve noticed them work on even if it’s not easy for them
• What makes you thankful for them

Maybe your mind goes blank on the spot and you’d rather write it out ahead of time. Maybe you’d like to mail a letter or email, or maybe you try this at bedtime with your kids like I’ve done. But I encourage you to share at least some of your list with the person as a way to intentionally build someone else up.

We were designed in the image of God to REFLECT who He is. If He is the God who speaks life into existence through His word, let’s live that out within the authority of our words.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

Hebrews 10:23-25: “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

Ephesians 4:29: ” Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. “

If you try this challenge, drop a note to let others know what you did and how your experiment went!