Ask the Author Post 1: Uncovering Your Story and the Time to Write It

In the past two years I’ve surprised even myself a little by self-publishing two books (Gray Faith and How to Be a Moon). 

As a stay at home mom for 9 years, this is the closest I’ve gotten to any kind of career in the last decade.  While I don’t consider myself an expert, I keep bumping into people who hear my writing journey and want to know more.  Because many of YOU are writers too, whether you blog, journal, or tell your children bedtime stories that you think could turn into a real book someday.

Now that my own kids are back to school, I want to take the month of September to do an “Ask the Author” series here at Less to be More.  Because I firmly believe that EACH person has a story to share, and EACH story has value.  We don’t have to be perfect experts to help someone else or connect with them in their journey.

So for anyone who has ever dreamed of writing a book/self-publishing, or even if you’re just curious about the process, I hope these next 4 weeks will encourage and inspire.  Check in each Friday for a new post!

And what better place to start than at the very beginning.  (Thank you, Julie Andrews!)

Today I want to tackle two related questions:

-How do you decide what to write (and find the focus to actually get your words to resemble a book)?

-How do you find the time to write?

Some people know exactly what they want to write about and just need to motivation to finish.  If that’s you, feel free to skip to the next section.  For others, you have a dream of writing a book or maybe have a million little stories in your head, but nothing that you can figure out how to turn into a book.

If that’s you, here’s a couple suggestions on deciding what to write:

Write About YOU: People always say to write what you know, and for my first book I figured I couldn’t go wrong writing stories from my own life.  Gray Faith isn’t exactly a memoir; it doesn’t meander through my life story or retell an exciting season of my life.  (I haven’t lead any revolutions, started my own non-profit, or backpacked with koalas across Australia while discovering a cure for the common cold.)  But the bulk of the material came straight from my own experiences and stories of growing up in the church as a pastor’s kid.  It doesn’t have to be some crazy exciting adventure- there are people out there who NEED to relate to the “regular” stories you and I have to offer.

The nice thing about writing about yourself, especially for a first book, is you often avoid a lot of heavy research or citation concerns that come with other non-fiction book genres.

Write from your PASSION: What’s the thing that you are MOST passionate about right now?  What’s that thing that no matter who you run into, you inevitably find a way to bring the conversation back to this topic?  Or maybe, what is something you’ve struggled with and gained insight into that you believe others are struggling with too?  If you write about something that you’re already motivated to think, talk, and research ANYWAY, you’ll find you have built in motivation.

(Note: I haven’t written any fiction books yet, so I can’t speak into finding inspiration there.  But I have friends I could point you to that would love to help.)

If you’re stuck with your book, here’s a couple ideas to keep you motivated:

Start a Story, Finish a Book: Sometimes the idea of writing a book (like…a real book…the book kind of book…one with all those pages and chapters and….whew…OK, is it just me, or are the walls starting to spin?) is your biggest obstacle.  With my first book, I didn’t set out to write a book at all.  I randomly wrote out thoughts from my childhood or questions I had from growing up in the church with no thought of publishing.  I think it was years (literally!) before I looked at the stories I’d started and thought, “Hey, why don’t I turn this into a book!”

This was accidental, but it totally took the pressure off.  When I realized I wanted to turn my ideas into a book, I made a list of the stories from my life that I wanted to share.  At first, I didn’t even have chapters in mind.  As I wrote more mini-stories, I began to see how they naturally grouped into categories, and I turned those into 8 chapters.  Since I organized my book that way, I had to spend a little extra time later in the writing process making smooth transitions from story to story.  Also, I realized some chapters had a lot of material, and others didn’t have very much.  I had to work at filling out some chapters and narrowing down others.  (And it was a lot of work!)

But my book really all started with a couple stories.  If you’re feeling too much pressure to “write a book”….don’t!  Just write bits and pieces of what is on your heart and start a collection.  Maybe one day you’ll realize you’re halfway to an amazing book.

Embrace Change: My second attempt at a book, unlike the first, was very intentional.  I have a journal where I took initial notes on all my title ideas, chapter thoughts, notes and inspiration.  No matter what your write, it’s going to be a process to the finish line.  You might not recognize my actual book if you looked at those initial notes.  It’s important as you write to embrace change.  For me, I prayed a lot about this book and wanted God to do what He wanted through it.  Over the two years that I wrote my book, God shifted some ideas, removed others, and forced me to confront the theme in my own life rather than just write something “for others”.

If you go into your book with a rigid view of the outcome, you’re more likely to give up along the way when it doesn’t go as planned.  In fact, there were things that happened to me while I was writing the book that became some of the best stories for the book.  If the book went “as planned” and “on time,” those stories would never have been there.

Know Who You’re Writing For: At every writer’s conference I’ve been to, I’ve heard about knowing who your audience is.  At first, you might be tempted to think that’s all about marketing and manipulation.  Sure, it can be.

But understanding your audience can be so much more than that.  Think about individual people who might need what you have to say.  Think about moms you’ve met at the park, those guys you overheard in the restaurant, the people at your church, the dad from the school pickup line.  Who is your book going to connect with?  What do those people think and feel and believe?  How will your story connect with them?  More importantly, how will your story change them in some way?

Focusing on actual people, or even creating a fictional person that fits your ideal reader, will give you motivation to write and also help you keep your focus.

Finally ,here’s a few tips on Finding the Time to Write:

I’m going to be honest- I don’t care if you’re a stay at home mom or work a 9-5, or you’re retired or still in school… there will never be a moment in your life when time to write throws itself at you.  And even if it DOES- you’ll find that you’re somehow completely distracted or unmotivated or plagued by blank page syndrome.  I do not mean to sound preachy or perfect because I’ve struggled many times to find time and stay focused with writing.  But here are the few tips I would give to those who bravely ask:

Schedule Time: This might sound over-simple, but we all know that we have a finite supply of time in a day.  Some things (like screaming toddlers) naturally get priority and dictate much of our schedule.  But if something is truly important to us, we have to give it a place of importance on our calendar.  Maybe you only have 30 minutes twice a week- that’s OK!  But make sure that- as far as it depends on YOU- that time is blocked off and sacred.  Even if you sit to write and don’t feel motivated, use that time to make notes, write title ideas, think about who your audience is, etc.  Let writing become part of your regular routine.

Own Your Identity as “Writer”: One of the biggest reasons you might cave on the first tip is that you don’t really see yourself as a valid writer.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if my writing was important at all, if I was totally full of myself to take my writing so seriously and would anybody even like it.  And one year when I went to a writer’s conference, someone convinced me to make author business cards for myself, and I felt like SUCH. A. FAKE.  How dare I call myself an author?  I was a journaler…a blogger….then I’d finally self-published a book…but nobody ever told me I was good enough for publication.  Nobody ever called me up asking me to write something.  So how could I be a “writer?”

And here I am, even after my 2nd book, and I STILL wrestle with those thoughts.  My point is, if you wait for someone else to validate your identity as a writer, you’ll never feel like you’ve made it.  The fact is, if you write, you’re a writer.  Own it.  Dance in that identity.  Savor it.  And don’t for a second let yourself believe that you have no business writing.  Because you do, and your story is important.

When you truly own that fact, even if you have to own it fresh every day, you will learn to stop apologizing for or minimizing the importance of the time you’ve set aside to write.  You are a writer and your writing time is valid.

Give Something Up: It’s not a fun tip, but with both of my books I did this in different ways.  With my first book, I was actually homeschooling my kids part of the time, so I had way less time than I do now.  Sometimes I would pop a movie on for the kids and write as much as I could at that time.  But the precious time I had when the kids were in bed became my prime writing time.  I remember one winter that I really holed myself up many nights.  If my husband was out of the house playing basketball or working late, I chose to take that time to write.  And sometimes I gave up social nights out in favor of writing more.

I don’t recommend letting writing keep you from soul care and rest- especially not long term.  But for a season, I gave some of that up.

With the second book, I was having a really hard time finishing and editing the book.  At one point I told myself that I couldn’t watch movies at night UNTIL I was finished.  I knew that was my biggest “cop-out” at the time, and my strategy worked!

I’ve also decided at times to focus more on writing than on other household to-dos.  Last year I had about 10 hours a week when ALL THREE kids were in school.  I protected this time by giving myself permission to SKIP the housework and use that time to write instead.  I still moooostly got the house cleaned, but I learned to let a lot go.

Give Yourself a Deadline: I don’t recommend giving yourself a “finish the book” deadline right when you start.  That can lead to undue pressure.  But it can be helpful to set smaller goals and deadlines such as:

-I will finish this chapter by 3 weeks from today.

-I will edit 2 chapters by next Monday.

-I will spend 30 minutes today brainstorming chapter ideas.

It’s OK if you don’t actually meet your deadline!  You have to be realistic about unexpected schedule changes or writer’s block.  But the goal is still a good motivator.

Then, as you get closer to actually completing the book, deadlines become much more effective because you’ve already got a lot of momentum.  I tend to stall after I’ve finished most of the book and know I have to edit, which I hate.  So for me, I would simply not finish if I didn’t have a deadline.

Find Someone to Support You: I have been incredibly fortunate to have many friends and family who would check in on me, ask how my writing was going, and even just listen to me bounce ideas around.  I have a writer’s group now that meets one a month to support, challenge, and sharpen each other’s work.  I also have an amazing husband who has been in my corner the whole time I’ve tried to write.  In fact, for my first book, I’d gotten to a rough patch where I wasn’t motivated to write or complete my project anymore.

For Christmas, he created a sample book cover, and PRINTED OUT and GLUED my initial book chapters to create a mock book for me.  The man is amazing.  When I opened the present and saw my “book”…I was overwhelmed.  The real gift he gave me was the vision of what could be…and the inspiration to actually finish.

If you don’t have that person right now, PLEASE reach out, because I’d love to get you started.  I’m so serious- having the encouragement of others has been invaluable, and I’d love to pay it forward.

I’ll wrap things up by saying this: writing is alternately a frustrating labor and liberating joy.  Writing a book, in particular, is hard work and it really isn’t for everyone.  But if you’ve been dreaming of writing a book, please don’t give up easily.  Own your identity as a writer, write and write and write some more, even on the days you feel that your writing is the WORST.  (I’ve been there.)  Know that your story matters, and keep writing for the person or people whose souls are dry, waiting to know they aren’t alone.

But more importantly, write for you.  Because writing is a path you can’t trek through and crawl down and meander down without being changed and moved.  Write for you.  You might not end where you thought you would- but I promise you it will be worth it.