5 Ways to Be a Bridge (Pursue Unity in a Culture of Division)

Martin Luther said, “Let’s build bridges, not walls.”

We can layer our differences like so many bricks until we’re unable to see those with whom we disagree.  Or…we can pick up the much more pliable construction material called common ground and use it to connect us to a diverse world.

I’d like to suggest that one way to build bridges is to learn how to BE bridges ourselves.

Becoming a bridge isn’t just a series of to-dos, it requires a fundamental shift in our beliefs and outlook.

Here are 5 qualities and characteristics of people who are bridges:

1: They believe that there’s value on both sides of contact.  In order to bridge two diverse sides, a bridge must firmly believe that each side has dignity, value, and the ability to teach.  (And a bridge is teachable.  Someone who believes they have all the answers already has no reason to engage with new people.)  A person that is unwilling to see beauty and value in two opposing sides is like a decorative garden bridge that only spans places and people who are already connected.  (…it’s a small world.)

2: They must be willing to be uncomfortable. Land is sturdy and safe.  Crossing water or deep ravines?  Eh…not so comfortable.  When we choose to be a bridge, we have to accept the fact that we’ll be spending a lot of time in discomfort.  Yet our discomfort is producing something much more beautiful and breathtaking than convenience or ease.  Bridges don’t wait for someone else to come to them- they are willing to launch themselves across the canyon or body of water knowing that facing their fear is worth it.

[Story of a Bridge in Process…I recently joined a group of women for a prayer event where I was a racial minority.  Many people find themselves as a racial or gender minority frequently, but sadly, this is one area where I long to be a better bridge.  This was one baby-step attempt to stop allowing differences to keep my world small and disconnected.

In the end, my soul was filled, I was presented with challenging and inspiring lessons, and I felt renewed in my walk with God.  At the same time, I was outside of my comfort zone.  I only knew the event leader through one personal meeting, and when I walked in everyone else was a stranger to me.  Some of the prayer and presentation were foreign to my church background and I wasn’t sure I agreed 100% with everything taught. (Although…when do I ever?)

Yet I walked out feeling empowered, with at least one new connection in my phone, feeling so incredibly accepted and affirmed and called out through the women I met.  It turns out, safe is the enemy of growth.  And I’m grateful to friends who choose discomfort REGULARLY in order to unite even slow learners like me.]

3: They must pursue unity over agreement.  Nothing kills more potential bridges than a faulty belief of what a bridge is made for.  A bridge is made to allow people of two different sides and beliefs to come into contact and share those ideas. A person that won’t let someone in until they agree with everyone on their side is a border, not a bridge.  Bridges don’t see differences as obstacles, but opportunities.

4: They have an ability to see gaps where bridges are needed.   Many times I’ve looked around a room and felt like I’m the youngest person there.  I wonder, “Where is my generation? Why aren’t we representing in these events and situations?”  Ah.  In these situations I’m recognizing a gap.  That’s the first step.  But nothing will change if I don’t make a decision to start bridging that gap by inviting my younger friends to these events, mentoring younger people who may not be aware of these opportunities, and investing because both sides need each other.  Where are you the “only one”?  Where do you see gaps that few are willing to bridge (or perhaps few know where to start)?  Are you willing to be a bridge in those places?

5. They have an ability to focus on common ground.  Bridges don’t use “us” “them” language.  Instead, a bridge learns to identify with the similarities they have at both sides of contact.  The more experiences we collect, the better we can be at finding similarities. For instance, I chose to homeschool my children for a year and a half, but put them back in public school after.  As a result, I feel that I can better relate to both homeschool moms and public school moms.  Being on both sides for a time allowed me to drop my judgement of either, and now I can embrace and value the reasons each mother may have for her unique choice.  Walls can only survive when we allow our differences to loom larger than our similarities.  Thankfully, bridges-in-training will quickly realize that our humanity alone can connect us if we let it.  What experiences have allowed you to empathize with two different groups?  The more you expose yourself to diverse people and situations, the better you will become at seeking commonality.

Are you ready to be a bridge?  Because the world could use a few more.  Share your bridge story or additional rules of being a bridge from your own life!