Ten Trivial Regrets

At the ripe age of 31, I think it’s pretty standard to ponder your recent insignificant regrets.  Watching the tiny pot holes in my rear view mirror will hopefully keep me from making similar mistakes in the future. (Or all that staring in my rear view might cause me to have an even bigger accident. Who know?)  Anyway…on the off chance that my regrets might point you away from similar grief, I’ve compiled a short list to share with you.  (You’re so welcome.)

TEN TRIVIAL REGRETS

1. Buying scented kitchen trash bags.  What was I thinking here?  For starters, as with most smells designed to cover other smells, the trash bag aroma is rather ambiguous.   It’s vaguely reminiscent (no pun intended) of synthetic flowers and rain, which we all know would make a great album title, but only makes for headaches as a scent.  And like peach natural deodorant mixed with body odor, the final combination of the foul trash and sickly flower scents is a nauseatingly unnatural smell that can only be described as evil.  NEVER. AGAIN.
2. Letting my boys play video games featuring “the Hulk”.  My son is naturally prone to nudist behaviors, and his viewing of the Hulk only increased the likelihood that he will remove his shirt for bedtime. Thankfully his older brother reminded him that the Hulk most definitely does NOT reveal anything below belt.  But despite that rare moment of reason, both boys went through a “HULK SMASH!” stage which involved yelling while slamming their fists on anything sturdy enough to support their aggression.  For the love of modesty and our remaining intact furniture, I think I’m going to place a temporary virtual restraining order on our green friend.
3. That time I ate ranch flavored kale chips.   (Commence involuntary gagging.)
4. Never learning where the spare tire in my van is.  I was recently tripped by a curb…while driving…which unfortunately resulted in a flat tire in Hartford.  It may have been my fault but that curb certainly didn’t help.  This was my first real flat tire as the sole adult in the car, and I admit I’m glad AAA didn’t record my ignorant half of our conversation.  As embarrassing as that initial call for help was, I felt far more sheepish when the tow truck arrived.  The truck driver asked me mechanically complex questions such as, “Do you have a spare tire?” and “Where is it?”  I shifted and shuffled children’s debris from one place to another in search of that illusive spare to no avail.  Finally I looked it up in the vehicle’s manual which I timidly presented to the AAA guy.  He proceeded to check under the van, per the manual’s instructions, only to find that our van wasn’t equipped with a spare after all.  (I’ve never been a details girl.)
5. Every McDonald’s Happy Meal toy. Ever.  (With the exception of the mini Beanie Boos.  I blame those eyes that are dangerously close to being scary, but somehow manage to produce an “aw” factor instead.)
6. Watching the movie “Gone Girl”.  Why, Neil Patrick Harris…why?
7. Introducing my four year old to markers…and paint…and pencils… (To our walls and books and his own body parts…I’m truly sorry.)
8. Introducing my eight year old to Frappucinos. (I’ve created a monster.)
9. Introducing my seven year old to this rather short-lived Melissa & Doug play set.http://www.melissaanddoug.com
10.  Telling you I’d share ten regrets without coming up with ten beforehand.  So sorry.  But maybe it’s for the best that you don’t hear more.  You might become depressed by the sheer volume of trivial regrets in my life.

Thanks for the moral support, though.  If you ever need to vent a trivial regret…I’m here for you.  Let’s do this again soon.