Adoption Starts With a Story

November is National Adoption Month and I’m celebrating big on my blog! Maybe you’ve always wanted to adopt but your questions so far outweigh your answers that you wouldn’t know where to start.  If that’s you, I hope you’ll find encouragement, practical advice, and some resources to move you even a little farther along in your journey.

If you have no desire to adopt, I hope you’ll still find a fresh awareness of adoptive families as you learn more about the journeys of myself and a handful of friends.

If you don’t like kids at all…well…check back in December.  🙂

So why should I be telling you about adoption?  For one, because I’m not an adoption expert.  (The first thing you should know about adopting is that you don’t have to be an expert to pull it off.  It helps to have some facts and to prepare yourself for your journey, but what you most need is a heart to connect with a child and perhaps the physical ability to chase them around a grocery store.  But that’s getting ahead of ourselves.)

The truth is, I’ve invested numerous hours in personal adoption research spanning private domestic, overseas, and foster-care adoption.  I’ve had in person or phone interviews with a few agencies.  I’ve made intentional meetings with friends who are adoptive parents, wielding notebook and pen to jot down their every insightful thought on adoption.  I have relatives who have adopted and graciously allowed me to peer into and even be part of their family’s story.  I’ve read and skimmed through stacks of books and websites to satisfy my curiosity on the subject and prepare for our own adoption.

I’ve also spent months getting licensed (home study, paperwork, background check and all that jazz) in order to adopt a child through foster-care adoption in CT (DCF).  In 2014 we brought an infant child into our home and were able to finalize our adoption in court about a year later.  So I have a lot of practical experience and a passion for adoption that kind of just oozes out of me at this point.

But I’m not an expert because I’m not sure such a thing exists in adoption world.  “Adoption” is a term that refers to such a wide range of families, situations, and constantly fluctuating legalities, that no one person really has the definitive answers.

Some of you are thinking, “EXACTLY!  How can I adopt when it’s so hard to find answers?  P.S.  I thought you were supposed to be encouraging me, not overwhelming me.  Gah!”

Before you lose heart, the beautiful thing about so many kinds of adoption is that there’s no one right way to do it.  Instead of feeling trapped by overload, breath in the fact that options are your friend.

Also, you don’t need all the answers to get started.  I believe it’s far more important to know others who have taken the adoption journey ahead of you- to know you’re not alone- to know where to turn when you need some advice.  That’s where this experienced-but-non-expert comes in.

When I first started out, adoption was like this crazy out-of-reach dream that only a handful of people I knew had accomplished. Mostly it was for rich celebrities and people with perfect houses who vacuum wearing pearls and take family pictures where everyone is not only smiling but wearing matching clothes custom made by a clothing company I can’t pronounce.  Minimally, it was for people who knew what they were doing.

Then I started talking to people about adoption- normal people with kitchens that sometimes piled up with dishes like mine and whose children weren’t glowing and angelic 24/7.  And these people didn’t claim to have all the answers; in fact many of them had more questions than before they started.  But they’d adopted anyway.  I found out that adoption isn’t perfect and neither are the people that open their lives to it.  And in those imperfect stories I found courage to step out.

Think about it a different way: suppose you were a high school senior who didn’t personally know anyone who’d ever been to college.  You were faced with a bajillion college choices, application deadlines, and majors to pick from.  You might have lots of great information and guidance counselors, but you’d be daunted without being able to hear someone’s story first hand.  How did they pay for college? How did they feel confident in their decision of schools?  What do they wish they’d known before they started their freshman year?  What you need is a story.

Textbook or professional answers are practical tools to move us along in our journey, but personal stories fuel our courage to begin and a passion to sustain us in our journey.

That’s what I want this month to be about on my blog: personal stories to fuel your courage to begin.  Passion to sustain you in your journey.  And if nothing else, some heart-opening stories that give you a clearer window into adoption than you had before.  I hope you’ll check in often this month.

Here’s what you can expect in the coming weeks:

•  My personal story of our DCF adoption including what it’s like having biological kids and an adopted child.
• What real adoptive parents wish they’d known when they started out (and other answers from adoptive families.)
• Some obstacles you may encounter/potential resources to help!
• Links and references to adoption agencies…
• Further adoption community resources…
• And more!

I hope you’ll check back in often!  If you are considering adoption, I’d love to hear your questions!  If you’d rather meet in person to connect and ask the gritty questions, send me a message here or connect on FB and I would be happy to meet or chat with you.

If you have adopted and want to add your voice to the conversation, please do!  We all need your story.