Quiz!: Who’s Your Ideal Pastor?

Our church is in the process of adding an additional pastor to our leadership team, which got me thinking about the sheer variety of people that are represented in our congregation.  It’s a beautiful thing to me that people with such different perspectives and even preferences can lay those aside and meet together even when their “ideals” aren’t totally met…that is really the definition of sacrificial family love.  Still, my friend and I joked about a “pastor quiz” to find out what different pastor types people in a church might prefer, and it seemed a bit too whimsical to pass up…so enjoy!

WHO’S YOUR IDEAL PASTOR?

Question 1: When it comes to your pastor’s speaking Style, you’d prefer:

• A) the louder and angrier the better
• B) Upbeat; frequently use of pop-culture references
• C) Intellectual; Frequent use of Greek/Hebrew language (You expect to have to look up at least three vocabulary words/message that you didn’t know the meaning to.)
• D) A Suave presentation, preferably in an Irish or British accent

Question 2: What is the ideal appearance of your pastor?

• A) Very intimidating and serious; formal attire
• B) Distressed jeans, band t-shirt, and lots of visible tattoos
• C) Mature and Scholarly, tweed jacket- bow tie optional
• D) Muscular with Wavy hair and charming smile

Question 3: What kind of family should the pastor have?

• A) Married to a formidable woman named Brunhilda- no kids
• B) Married with 2 young kids (one boy, one girl) named Harlow-Grace and Maddox
• C) Married to a professor of biophysics; has one adult son currently graduating with honors from Princeton Theological Seminary
• D) None. He’s single.  Very single.

Question 4: If your pastor planned a Christmas message, what would he call it?

• A) The Wreath of Wrath
• B) E.L.F. (Emmanuel Lives Forever)
• C) Exegetic Symposium on the Incarnate Deity
• D) Jesus and Mary Marry Me

Question 5: How might your ideal pastor spend their free time? 

• A) Megaphone shopping
• B) At a Twenty-One Pilots concert after eating at that cool new sushi place
• C) For fun, mentally sorting Jacob’s sons both alphabetically and by mother
• D) Pining alone…

Question 6: Your Pastor’s favorite Bible Story/Passage is:

• A) The Plagues of Egypt
• B) The Message version of the Prodigal Son or Jesus serving wine at the wedding feast
• C) Paul’s discussion of predestination in Romans 8:29
• D) Song of Solomon

Question 7: If you could think of a song title to describe your pastor, it would be:

• A) Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash)
• B) Gang of Rhythm (Walk Off the Earth)
• C) Doxology (Hymn)
• D) I’m Too Sexy (Right Said Fred)

Question 8: What FRIENDS quote best represents your pastor?

• A) Ross: “You could not be any more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful.”
• B) Chandler: “Hi,I’m Chandler.  I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”  
• C) Ross: “Of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that’s not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there’s a concept you should really be familiar with. It’s what the Japanese call ‘unagi.’ … Maybe it means [freshwater eel] too. 
• D) Joey: “How you doin’?”

Question 9: When your pastor greets you, he should:

• A) Firmly grip and shake your hand while staring sternly, leaving you with an odd guilty feeling
• B) Give you a half hand-shake half-hug combo
• C) Nod at you respectfully while holding an enormous study Bible with concordance
• D) Gaze at you deeply with his piercing, blue eyes

Question 10: Who is your pastor’s role model?

• A) Jonathan Edwards
• B) Matt Chandler
• C) Tim Keller
• D) A Tie Between Channing Tatum and David Bekham

RESULTS:

• MOSTLY As) FIRE & BRIMSTONE PASTOR.  You’re looking for someone who is firm, bold, loud and angry.  You want someone who isn’t afraid to challenge you to your face, and constantly leaves you with the feeling that you’ve forgotten to repent of something.  You can count on intense sermons with no subtlety or apologies.

• MOSTLY Bs) MODERN/HIP PASTOR. If the world is going modern, you pastor might as well match!  You’re looking for someone trendy and fun, who has a pulse on pop culture as well as spirituality.  With an accessible family and hip hobbies, this pastor will challenge you with humor and knowledge…and always in style!

• MOSTLY Cs) THE THEOLOGIAN PASTOR. You want your pastor to be the brainiest of the bunch!  If you’re going to sit and listen to a sermon, it had better have some cutting edge, theological insight that you wouldn’t have thought of on your own.  (Think college professor meets church service.)  You want someone who frequently refers to the original Greek and Hebrew in Scripture, dazzles you with his interpretations of Jesus’ parables, and leaves you with copious notes to study on your own.

• MOSTLY Ds) THE DATE-ABLE PASTOR.  Your pastoral qualification are basically: tall, dark, and handsome. Umm…I hate to break it to you, but you’re more interested in a date than a pastor.  Maybe this isn’t the quiz for you.