Being the Oreo Cream

Are you a “middle” person?

That’s me. I started my career as a neutral middle person during recess at my cozy Massachusetts elementary school.  I don’t feel like recess was sufficiently long for third grade drama to incubate and hatch into full-blown silence treatment- but what do I know?  One day in particular my two best playground friends had some disagreement and wandered off towards the specific destination of being as far away from each other as possible.

Which meant I was alone in the middle.  Why?  Maybe because I didn’t know which of them to follow- you follow one person and Switzerland will deny your application to the ranks of neutrality.  Maybe I thought the recess bell would ring soon and I didn’t have enough party hats and noisemakers to throw a reunion party.  But perhaps it also had something to do with losing my voice.

A middle person has a voice you know- often a strong one, but the middles can be hesitant to speak, to act.  We might not speak because we want to maintain peace, we might keep silent because we don’t think we can change anything, we may prefer “just OK” to ruffling feathers.

Here’s a thought: The world needs the voice of the cookie part of the oreo, but it definitely needs more cream voices speaking up too.

The beauty of being the cream in the middle is that you interact with and grow from both sides of the cookie, without losing your unique identity.  

Recently I was in a situation where I felt rather uncomfortable.  I was listening to the conversation of those around me and I totally felt out of place- as though I’d made group reservations at a dinner place that I thought was casual, but showed up in my jeans and t-shirt to find that everyone else was wearing tiaras, glass slippers, ballgowns…. OK, apparently my imagination is going with everyone dressed up as Cinderella.

I was a bit squirmy because I couldn’t seem to agree or relate to everyone fully.  I wouldn’t have been there if I didn’t agree in part- but at no point did anyone else at the table say the thoughts that were running through my head.  Uh-oh.

Breath in…breath out…don’t be a baby and cry.  Don’t run away.

So, I didn’t run very far…but at one point in the evening I made my way to the bathroom to breath in the fresh air of being with someone who I belonged with, even if it was just myself.  And in that moment I had what I’ll call a “God-thought”…just this sense that I’m supposed to be a middle person.  That’s kind of my role.  To be where I’m not fully comfortable to not only speak balance into others, but to find balance for myself.  And to grow and be sharpened by the opposite view as well.

See, as much as I didn’t fully agree or fit-in with the present conversation, there was probably another equal and opposite conversation happening somewhere that I wouldn’t fully agree with either.  And there was some poor schmuck dressed as a Cinderella who thought she signed up for ballroom dancing and walked into a square-dance in a country barn.  And she had to choose whether she would hoist up her dress and dance a line-dance in a bit of discomfort, or run away so fast she’d leave a slipper behind.

At some level, we’ve all been the middle person somewhere.  It’s a lot easier to stay with the middle people who think just like us…but that’s not a very good soil for growth.

Maybe you find yourself in the middle of…

• Parenting Philosophies (i.e. Schooling options, food choices, the growing Pokemon-Go debate, etc.)
• Church Stuff (i.e. values between two different churches, leadership values, music choices, etc.)
• All Things Family (i.e. communication styles, disagreements, vacation preferences, etc.)
• Relationships (i.e. strong opinions between mutual friends, different values in the workplace, introvert and extroverts, etc.)

You can be a middle person and have a strong opinion.  And you can actually keep being a middle-person without hiding your opinion in an inconspicuous corner of your sock drawer.  In fact, to be a healthy middle person means that you get to be a bridge to two different sides.  (Kind of like my little cozy-coupe driver who is quite comfortable between two very different ride-on toys.  OK, just go with me here…I didn’t feel like hunting for a perfect oreo picture that would leave you running away for a snack.)

I’m realizing lately that I would be missing out on a lot of healthy balance if I always ran away from the places I felt a little out of place in. Maybe being in the middle is where I’m called to be, not to water down my beliefs, not to be a little doormat-people-pleaser who agrees with everyone to keep the peace- but to grow more into God’s heart which just so happens to love people on both sides of any cookie.

Where’s your “middle”?  Are you trying to run back to neutral ground, or are you learning to grow and be a bridge?