How to Bumble Into Being an Author in Just 16 Steps!

I’ve been writing since I was so little- I have a stack of journals from my childhood that have to live in a huge bin in my basement because they would compete with our breathing space.  My parents have lived through the poems and plays and stories I’ve written, and they kept encouraging me.  (Which reminds me…I hope that’s exactly what I do for my kids, even if there are moments when their “passion” conflicts with my sanity.)

But the journey to being an “author”- writing an actual book- well that’s a whole different story.  People, I am learning so much by walking tripping awkwardly through this process like a pro complete imbecile, who also has a tendency to overthink and people please.  But I thought you’d like to know the process, so here goes:

1: Start a blog with a really cheesy name, like, oh, I don’t know “The Carrye Chronicles”.  (ahem.  puuuurely theoretical.)  

2. Scrap that blog and start another one with a better name.  (Plan a date at some point in the future to ponder why you never deleted your old blog.)

3. Get really cozy with clicking a “publish” button to submit your work to the world.  (It’s like the Staples “easy” button.)  Ta-da!!

4. Start to write a book, without realizing it.  That’s the key.  Maybe start by writing about snips and bits of your childhood, or perhaps the many chips you have on your shoulder that you weren’t fully aware of.  Plan to write mostly while your kids are watching TV or napping, or while your husband is off playing basketball.

5. Actually decide to write a book, but have no plan whatsoever.  That’s right…freestyle it.  It may well take you a year to mostly finish, but “slow and steady wins the race”.  Or, was it “the early bird gets the worm”? Who can say?

6. Move your blog from “blogger” to “wordpress” because this all feels very professional and pre-book launch-y. (Note that you’re beginning to make up your own words, and question whether you are capable of editing your book yourself.)

7. Start to edit your book, and simultaneously realize you need a long-term plan.  (If you’re hoping to properly bumble, it’s imperative that you don’t form a plan until step 7!) With any luck, the editing process will be much less fun than writing, so as you snail through that phase for a second year you can plan the heck out of a plan.

8. Waffle back and forth between finding a bona-fide publisher and self-publishing.  Further confuse yourself by contacting a book editor and setting a coffee date that falls through.  Make a pros and cons list, if you need, with all the complex emotional feelings: your dream of someone “choosing” your writing and thereby validating your identity, vs. feeding into your desire to have full control over the whole process with no one to tell you what you can and can’t do.  (Don’t worry, you won’t know the ramifications of this decision until step 9.)

9.  Decide to self-publish and pat yourself on the back for finally concocting an excellent plan.

10. Realize your plan has a few giant holes in it, and contact a publishing mentor, preferably one your mother suggests, because your mother always knows best.  Take copious notes from the phone interviews with your mentor, and take a moment to feel completely overwhelmed at what a “plan” actually entails.

11.  Begin to implement “the plan”, but not fully, and always a step or two behind.  Remember, true bumbling cannot coincide with timeliness.  Start a focus or study group to go through your book with you to give you suggestions.  Marvel at how willing your friends are to go bumbling with you. (You’ll feel embarrassed as the lead bumbler, but it’s much more fun together.)

12. Sign up for a writer/speaker conference. Consider doing this closer to step 1 in your next life.

13. Start promoting yourself on social media like Facebook.  It goes without saying that on your first attempt to create a facebook “author page” you should accidentally create a facebook “community” instead, as though you expect a whole community to revolve around you.  It’s always best to read those “how-tos” AFTER you’ve failed once already…it adds to the awkward factor.

Consider buying business cards at this time.  Repeatedly ask you husband questions like, “How many times do I have to speak before I can call myself a ‘speaker’?”  Get used to those slightly exasperated looks you’ll get from alllllll the questions.

14. Finish editing your book and go to upload it to the self-publishing company of your choice. (In my case, “createspace”, an amazon company.)  Become thoroughly perplexed by the word doc template you’re using to upload, and practice face-palming for when your husband waltzes in and shows you how much more easily you could have been doing it.  (On a related note, let him help you with anything he feels like, because he will be absolutely amazing.)

15. Upload your book interior (even though you know it’s not perfect) and a book cover that your husband designed. (Lament your former one-click blog publishing days.)  Decide whether you want cream paper or white, matte finish or glossy, add some tax information, where you want to distribute, how much money you want to charge beyond the minimum.  (I haven’t mentioned this, but coffee is a key component to all these steps.)

16. Blog about your unconventional way of becoming a published author as you wait for your book to be officially submitted.  (And congratulate yourself on some phenomenally productive bumbling.)

(P.S.  Since I have officially submitted my book to createspace (my self-publishing company) I’m hoping that they approve it in the next 48 hours and I can officially “publish” by Thursday!!  I’ll keep you updated because I’m not sure if there’s a delay between officially publishing and availability for distribution.  I’m also planning to convert it to a kindle version ASAP as well, so if you’d prefer to purchase that way, stay tuned!!)