Advice to Grandparents Visiting from the South

Dear Nana and Papa,

We can’t wait for you to visit!  The kids are beyond excited and the Mr. can barely contain himself- he’s practically jumping up and down, I’m sure you can picture it.  I’m so elated myself that I thought I’d plan ahead and let you know what you can expect upon your arrival.

First of all, you’ll find we’ve added some artwork to your guest room, courtesy of our own “van Gogh” “Picasso” or “Rembrandt” (we’re not actually sure which one is responsible laudable for such creativity).  We’re calling it “abstract”.  Please do not add to it.

Second, we’ve instated a new policy concerning electronics since your last stay due to our youngest.  Please do not offer the children your phone, kindle, or laptop devices without express parental consent, especially the youngest.  He will quite sweetly ask to watch “Frozen” videos on all your devices, and he may even sing with charming flair, something like this:

But you must refuse.  Just consider a sign that reads, “Do not feed the bear.”  The bear is adorable, just a cub.  He merely wants a nibble of your ham and cheese slider.  So you feed him once and he does a little happy-dance.  But then you run out of slider and he’s angry, and starts tearing into your belongings to find more slider.  And suddenly the cute bear is quite vocal and nothing else will satisfy him. This is what will happen with the two year old.  You’ve been warned.

Third, while our electronic policy has changed, my Starbucks addiction has not.  I’m not proud of this.  Maybe you can stage an intervention when you come.  But don’t be surprised if we go out to run an errand- say to the post office or the gas station- and we end up at Starbucks “on the way.”  I’ve mapped them all out, and they’re all “on the way.”

Fourth, I’m sure you’ve had some warm sunny days since March.  So have we.  We’ve also had sleet and snow in April, however.  So my best guess is that you should bring your bathing suits as well as a snowsuit lined with whale blubber.  Maybe some loafers too…I don’t know.  Just a thought.

Fifth, you should know that your room is one of the designated “blanket fort zones”.  I apologize in advance if you awake to find that your head is being used as corner weight for a mismatched linen architectural feat.  Your room is also our traditional “time-out” room, so if you value your personal space we ask that you enforce our rules for appropriate behavior in our children. (Instead of laughing or undermining our authority…you know who you are.)

Finally, please remember our one bathroom and kindly shower before arrival.

Thanks for helping us plan ahead…see you in a couple weeks!

Love,

Your Grateful-For-Live-in-Babysitting Daughter